Big Brother - Season 9, Episode 8 Recap

Here we go with another live broadcast! There are so many questions we’ll have answered tonight. Will Amanda’s sweet ass get the boot? Who will be the new HOH? Most importantly, what horrendous outfit will the Chen-bot wear tonight?

As I’m waiting for the show to begin, I’m wondering about what we’ll see before the eviction. Will the strip show/naked pool party see any air time? I sort of doubt it, but I have a feeling we’ll see some material from the rest of Bikini Day, as there’s no way CBS would waste a whole day of pleasurable footage.

I predict we’ll also see lots of footage of Allison making her claim as the scheming House Bitch. Yesterday, she was horrendous as she made her way around from person to person complaining about how she was treated the first 14 days, and how she forgives Alex and Amanda but will still be giving them the boot. Shut up, you silly twit.

Ok, it’s finally time for the show to begin. Ugh, I tuned in a minute two early and am immediately frightened by two old fogies – Sally Struthers looking every minute of her 59 years, and host Mary Hart and her patented fake excitement about anything trivial. Please start the show!

Um, a powerful alliance of four? Hahahaha, too bad two of them are leaving tonight. James, stop the Operation Condor crap. It’s beneath you. Shockwaves through the house? These recaps are just plain silly, although Allison proclaiming they all have to change the way they act in the house is beyond humorous given her babbling last night.

Does Julie Chen every change the way she stands? And can we also stop the “XXXX, the XXXX from XXXXX” descriptions? Here we go re-showing the recap. Why?

James!!!! Stop the Operation Condor crap! Matt’s “I can’t campaign against my boy” babbling is silly. Of course he’s been campaigning all week.

Matt campaigning with Adam is a real meeting of the minds. Now they’re boys? Or should I say boyzzzzzzzzzzz. Um, Natalie, please close your legs when you’re lifting weights. That’s not a pretty sight. So at this point Allison decides they should leave because they’ve been eating all week, while Alex and Amanda are bound to be weak since they’re on slop.

Adam’s not happy because the one time he’s been included in a plan it’s gone to shit. Plus, Matt’s now his friend! Sorry, Bubba, but that friendship will end tonight.

Matt gives Natalie advice on how to campaign, and she runs off to Sharon to test his plan. Joshuah shows up, and she basically jumps him to prove how much she wants them to save her. Natalie, even your big fake breasts can’t tempt that gay boy.

Ryan, however, doesn’t agree with Allison. He wants Alex and Amanda to leave.

Funny how in diary room footage Sheila and Adam seem to love each other. These pre-eviction interviews never turn into usable (or interesting) chatter.

Ooooh, we’re already going to the houseguests. No stripper footage tonight, though. Of course, Julie has to start with the medical problems. Amanda claims her and Allison have gotten closer. Then we move on to Allison and Sheila, and Sheila again claims Allison was talking behind her back. “I have learned in this game you have to keep some things to yourself.” What a self-deluded twit. James gets a hand for helping Amanda, and he says that he thought she was dying. Oh please.

Ohmigod, Julie, enough with the medical crap. Amanda fainted and Allison had an allergic reaction. It was never that severe! But we move on to the self-appointed “America’s Pimp” talking about the hell of drinking out of bowls. Moving on, Sheila begs for applause because she’s lost five pounds on slop. Ooooof.

Yes, it’s time for a segment featuring my girl Chelsia. Please get rid of the romantic Muzak, though. Both are way too edgy for that crap. James is leaving something out of his little bio, though. He also seems to be hanging out with some of Evil Dick’s frazzled friends.

Chelsia, meanwhile, says she was a brat as a child. I love her more every second. Her sister Jenny, though, wouldn’t look out of place with James’ friends. I think she’s had her share of late-night fun times.

In her interview with the pair, Julie goes straight for the jugular. “You promised Matt you wouldn’t nominate him. What happened?” It’s easy to see why she’s a network morning newscaster. Well, we all know how Mrs. Moonves got that job. The rest of the segment is the typical blah blah blah crap, although I chuckled at James saying he hates how materialistic the rest of the morons are. Ooooh, Chelsia loves dive bars!!!! Come to Sioux Falls, girlfriend. Maybe you’ll even meet Tattoo Johnny!

Wow, CBS really wants us to believe that Matt and Natalie are heading out. Say what you want, they really know how to surprise the rubes and hayseeds.

I’m sure you all know the drill of the eviction process. The four get to say final words that Julie promises “could make all the difference” but never does. WTF kind of shirt is Alex wearing? “Keepin’ it Real”? Oh God, he puts it into his statement.

Natalie has to babble about the Beaver state once again, and proclaims that this is the best cast ever! Um, no. As for Matt, the less said about his statement the better. As for the votes: Adam/Sheila vote to evict Amanda and Alex, as does Joshuah/Sharon (love their disgusted looks) and Ryan/Allison.

One little tidbit thrown into the process – Julie announced that if a pair can’t agree on a decision they’re immediately evicted. We’ve never heard that before, and it will never happen.

Time for the tears, as Amanda’s bummed by the vote. Like you didn’t know it was coming, but I for one will miss that perfect ass. They’re lingering so long, though, that Julie has to tell them to get the hell out.

Ryan’s pissed about something, though, when we return to the house feed. Hmmmm, tonight could be interesting. Matt babbles something to James about how they’re now “even”. What does that even mean?

Julie again goes into reporter mode, asking why Alex blames Amanda for being nominated. He is smart enough to understand that campaigning would not have helped them, but still gets a shot at Amanda. Julie, why did you say “no bueno” to Amanda? She barely understands English; how would she understand another language?

Why do we get multiple video messages this week? Last week, it was only the opposing couple. Allison whines again, and the rest basically tell them how much they love them. Matt has to throw out another “you were my boy”. Jerkoff.

Another question HOH contest? Oh boy, they have to remember the author’s of the stupid “love” quotes. Good luck with that, Matty. Or Adam, but at least he has Sheila. Did I just write that? Oh boy.

Sharon jumps to the lead (as expected). She’s even smart at who she eliminates – leaving Natalie as her last competitor. Natalie say nary a word as Sharon unanimously wins.

Oh boy, Ryan screws up the first question. Wait, Pat Benatar shares wall space with Shakespeare? Ooof. Joshuah also sweeps, and he and Sharon are the HOH! Expect lots of catty behavior this week!

Our final shot is from the living room, and Sharon and Joshuah can't wait for pictures! Stupid "America's Pimp" gets almost the final word, before Julie states that coming this week the game will change! Oooh, do we finally get to see the splitting of the couples?