Big Brother - Season 9, Episode 11 Recap

Welcome to eviction night! And twist night! And HOH competition night! And Allison Insanity Night, Part 3,452! And whatever else CBS can squeeze into a one hour program.

I must say that CBS has done a fantastic job in setting up one of the most anticipated episodes of Big Brother in quite some time. Speculation is running rampant as to what will happen tonight. Will the evicted couples return? Will everybody be split up? Will Nat’s oral skills finally be revealed? Most importantly, will my girl Chelsia express her love for a chubby, middle-aged South Dakota boy she doesn’t know exists? (Hey, a boy can dream.)

Tension is at an all-time high. Nobody trusts anybody, and this Hudson River virus scheme isn’t helping. Plus, there’s also Allison’s big mouth, which never ceases to create problems.

Finally, it’s showtime! But first, we have to sit through the standard recap of the past week. Here’s my advice if you need to fix a drink – skip this segment and just read previous posts on this blog to get the true story of what happened the past few days.

Oooh, a new opening for Julie Chen – she starts off by the tv monitor, and dramatically crosses her legs as she sits down. How long did it take her to rehearse these five seconds?

Ugh, again we have to see the same crap they just showed us in the recap. Yeah, Sheila’s not happy to be on the block. Duh. Allison is happy to be up against her for insane reasons. Matt thinks he now controls the house. Oh really?

Everybody is coming up with theories about the siren. Sheila’s scared…as usual. Natalie’s breasts think it means an old couple is coming back. Matt doesn’t think the couples will split. Blah blah blah.

Wow, Allison finally has a clue. “I don’t think it looks good for us”, she tells Ryan. “Do you really, really, really, really, really trust Matty?” (Think you have enough “really’s” there, Allison?) She commands Ryan to talk to Matt, who tells him he’s voting for him. “You are set up. It’s guaranteed.”

Later he tells Adam the same thing. “You got my vote. It’s set.” He basically tells Allison and Sheila the same thing. “No matter what, I’m going to look like a hero”, he explains. Oh boy.

Stupid Allison believes him, of course, so she goes to Chelsia and James. We get a few “totally’s” when James explains that they’re not promising a vote to either couple. Oh, and a few “seriously’s” and “really’s” for added measure. Girlfriend needs a thesaurus.

Sheila asks James the same question, and informs James that Matt/Natalie have also promised them the same vote. James knows this could possibly hurt him in the end, so he interrupts a pool game to confront Matt, whose entire excuse is “that’s Big Brother”. Ugh. He’s really not the master manipulator he thinks he is.

Wait, Julie thinks Matt and Natalie have been “fierce” competitors? Bwahahahahahahahah! And we end this segment with diary room crap that tells us nothing about who is going to be voted out. But damn, my girl Chelsia is looking cute.

Time for silly Julie to ask dumb questions to the houseguests. She asks what the sirens could mean, and nobody says anything worth repeating. Really, this segment stinks. For some reason, we’re shown Matt and Natalie winning the veto competition. She’s really starting to remind me of the late Tammy Faye Bakker.

Oh, here we go with interviews with the friends. We’re set up with footage of Matt pushing away Natalie. They head to the Beaver State to talk to Natalie’s co-workers. Um, why couldn’t it be either of her hot friends that were put in the house? Carmel says that her problems in the past with men is because “she kind of lets guys walk all over her”. You think? Damn, even her sister is cuter, but she has that same nicotine voice that so annoys me. Of course, Matt’s friends are as big of tools as he is. “He’s going to keep breaking hearts.” Double ugh.

Ooooh, Julie just announced the siren’s going to go off when the evicted couple reaches the front door. This could be interesting.

So the front door will be locked, and the couple has to return to the living room. They WILL be playing as individuals, and only one member of the evicted couple will remain.

No live vote tonight. By a vote of 2 – 0, Allison and Ryan are (sort of) evicted. Hugs and tears…and the door is locked. Poor Allison is trying and trying! Hahahahah! Allison thinks she’s saved! Matt’s clearly not happy. (Truthfully, this is sort of anticlimactic.)

Almost everybody couldn’t be more pleased that the couples bit is over (except for Joshuah, Sharon, and (obviously Natalie). It is announced that only Allison or Ryan will remain, and the house will now vote. Suddenly, Allison’s not so sure of herself anymore.

Before the vote, they still have to go through the sham of talking to the house guests. Ryan enjoys everybody, and the time he’s spent in the house, blah blah blah. Allison’s speech begins with tears, and she also really wants to be there, blah blah blah.

Adam votes to evict Allison. My girl Chelsia votes to evict Allison. Yes, this looks to be unanimous. Matt also votes to evict Allison, as does Sheila, Natalie, and James. Even Allison isn’t surprised, and tries to rush out without any hugs (Sharon grabs her for one, though).

Hahaha, Allison is beyond bitter! Julie again goes right to the jugular – why did you pretend to be a lesbian? The goodbye messages are silly – Natalie is as dumb as always, Joshuah is pissed about the gay thing, Sheila cries. Ooof, Allison claims she came into the game with a plan to go with the flow. Uh, you never did that. Why didn’t Julie ask the obvious question – how does it feel to be such a horrible player that you’re the first person to ever be evicted twice on one show?

Another question game for HOH? The producers really need to work harder. The questions involve the order of events in the house. Yes, Natalie goes out early! So much for Matthew 3:5! Ohnoes, my girl Chelsia’s out! After multiple questions between Adam and Ryan, it’s Ryan FTW!!!

One has to hand it to Adam, though. With Sheila he’s had no role in any competition. Within minutes after losing her, he almost pulls through with a win.

Wait, Julie is promising that the fans are now going to have a role in the game. I don’t like the sound of that. Oh, it's no big surprise here - we get to vote a person to return. I want Amanda’s sweet ass!!! And I want her to return to the show!

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