Sunday, April 13, 2008

Big Brother - Season 9, Episode 27 Recap

A word of warning before we begin – if you’re not a fan of Sheila or Natalie, you may not want to watch tonight’s episode. Or, I guess you may not want to read this recap. Whatever the case, it’s going to be a rough one.

Another word of warning – if you’ve been playing my Big Brother drinking game, tonight could be very dangerous to your well-being. I suggest you just take drinks during the following phrases from Sheila: “single mom”, “I’m doing this for my son”, “frickin’ kidding me”, and “durr”. I guarantee you’ll be drunk within the first few minutes.

Of course we begin with the response to James’ eviction. Oh wait, we don’t? We go right into the HOH competition! Wow, the BB producers are flipping the script a bit.

Right away, Ryan is struggling but he feels pretty safe because of his alliance with Sharon. “The only person I’m somewhat worried about is Natalie because she’s very sneaky and you never know what she’s thinking.”

Sharon says that because she’s the last person in her little group, it’s very important for her to “pull off HOH because I know that I’m going on the block if I don’t.”

Adam is giving encouragement to Sheila, who says it’s important for her to win “because I really can’t trust Natalie, and I need to start winning something.” Well, durr.

Natalie is babbling away, as usual. Actually, they’re not coming close to capturing her running mouth we heard on the live feeds. “I’m feeling like my chance of going into this game is 100% guaranteed I’m going to win!” Oh really?

Oh, I get it. Now we get the reaction to James’ eviction, aided by Natalie’s rant from her box that “we finally beat Crazy James!” Sharon says she was very sad to see James leave, and that “a part of me wanted to cry for him, but it’s crucial that I’m the last man standing. I need to pull my game up, get into this, and pull it through.”

Sheila says she feels guilty for evicting James, because “he does remind me of my son”. (Drink up!) “To even look him in the face, I wanted to bawl. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve done in this game.”

Ryan notes that the mission to evict James “began 28 days ago, and 28 days later mission accomplished.” Natalie, of course, couldn’t be more pleased to see him go. “God’s got a master plan. It’s so funny because James is going into the sequester house on April 9…Big Brother 9…day 63…6 + 3 is nine…and it’s the ninth week of Big Brother. So James’ nine lives are completely done, and Matty is going to be sooooooo happy.” Wow, that sentence alone would have caused drunkenness. Instead, it just makes me want to stab a pencil in my eyes.

Back to common sense, or at least as much sense as you can have with this crew. Adam says he’s “sad to see him go. He was my buddy; he’s my boy. But his time’s his time, you know what I mean? Now he’ll move on to bigger and better things.”

Interesting, we don’t immediately go back to the HOH competition. Instead, Ryan notes that James left without incident, and the entire cast congratulates themselves with a hug. Sheila’s still upset about James, though. “I’m a woman, and I’m a mom.” (Drink up, kids!) “It’s not easy for me. I hate it. I cringe whenever we have to go and evict someone.” Then why are you in this game?

Ok, we’re finally back to the game, and BB has now introduced smoke for some reason nobody can quite understand (especially since it didn’t even make it to the competitors). Adam continues to talk almost as much as Natalie, who says “this is almost psycho style!” Say what?

Sharon, who if you remember earlier said she has to step up her game, is already having trouble. She claims to have hurt her back the night before (apparently James jumped on her), and she drops. What’s funny to me is that she lasted longer on this telecast than she did in the actual competition. As Adam carries her away, she whispers “I’ll just win POV”. Sure, you will; just like you were going to definitely win this competition.

With Sharon out, Natalie is all excited because it’s all about “Team Christ”. Ok, it’s time to drink again as Sheila says she “needs it for my boy”. Sheila says in the diary room that it’s not her child that is keeping her up, though. “I do not feel safe, even with Natalie and Ryan.” Oh wait, here comes more drinking. “I’ve been in this game now for two months, and I have not seen a photo or a letter from my son or my family. I need that to carry on in this game.”

Sheila first starts working on Ryan. “You know you’re good with me. You took me down.” Ryan actually makes sense when he says that at this point in the game he must really start playing for his own survival. That doesn’t stop Sheila from continuing on, though. (I must add, though, that the producers are making it appear that Natalie was silent throughout this competition. Nothing could be further from the truth.)

We’re now an hour into this contest, and Sheila and Natalie are continuing to whine. Natalie tells Sheila that she can’t drop because she doesn’t feel safe yet. Sheila’s shocked by this statement. “I found that (statement) to be extremely odd. Who do you not feel safe by, Ryan or me? Maybe she got wind that maybe I would come after her.” Excuse me while I mute the two of them going back and forth for what seems like forever, although we all have to take another drink when Sheila points out once again that she’s 45, “almost 46”.

At almost the two hour mark, Sharon whispers to Adam that she thinks Sheila’s going to win. “Sheila, you’re my hero, girl!” Sharon also knows that her and Adam are screwed if this happens. Right at that second, Sheila almost falls. Sharon and Adam all go off to pee, and Natalie uses the opportunity to say that those are the two that need to go up. Sheila tells us in the diary room that she’s going to do anything she can to save Adam.

Yet, it’s Adam that Natalie is saying has to go while they’re putting together their deal. (I never caught that on the initial feeds.) Ryan says that he wants Sheila to ultimately win, as he trusts her more than Natalie. They decide to pretend to not have cut a deal, so that Adam doesn’t figure it out.

Ryan is the first to go, and Sheila tells Natalie once again that she “needs it to see her son”. (Drink!) Natalie continues to scream, and Sharon throws the Christian angle at her to get her to drop. “Jesus suffered for us; what would Jesus do?”, asks Natalie. Sharon is pissed. “You’re sitting in a box. Are there any nails to you? I don’t think so!” Natalie continues to ask WWJD?

Again, this goes back and forth for awhile, and Sheila’s getting pissed. “This is an awful long time to stay up there after making a deal with me. I thought she was going to renege on the deal.”

After a commercial break, it’s still Natalie babbling. “What do I do?” Sheila whines right back – “this game’s been really hard on me. I’ll stay up her for another frickin’ hour if I have to.” Natalie responds that “the nice part of me wants to give it to you, but the fire in me doesn’t want to drop”. Ugh. “And the Christian in me would do a lot of good things if I win this thing.” Double ugh.

Adam has had enough. “She’s annoying everybody. The girl is doing nothing but making herself a bigger target.” Natalie continues to talk about how the good side of her wants to drop, and Sheila is pissed. “I wasn’t sure if she was trying to get everybody to think, ‘look at me, I’m the good Christian girl…I’m giving this poor 45 year-old single mom (drink up) this gift’. I don’t know if she wanted everybody to get on their knees and say they weren’t worthy or something.” After another stupid speech on how she’s a “giver”, Natalie finally drops.

Having finally won, Sheila drops…and breaks her tooth. Natalie is still confident. “I know this deal is not going to bite me in the butt. Sheila would not screw me over.” Oh yeah? Meanwhile, Adam knows that because he put her on the block last week, he’s probably going up this week. Sharon also knows she’s going on the block again, but she just hopes they realize they “have bigger fish to fry. Let’s attack each other, and not go after Sharon.”

Adam is more worried than he let on, though, and rants to Ryan and Natalie. They both promise to evict Sharon. Natalie makes a mistake by adding, “then we have the power to send Sheila home the following week. We’re sticking to the plan.” Adam doesn’t want to hear it, though. “It’s not ok. I don’t want to be on the block.”

Natalie continues to babble to the wrong people. This time it’s Sharon. “Baller’s mad at me, but at the same time, if I had won I would have had to put him up, too.” As she walks away, Natalie stops to plead one more time. “Please don’t be mad at me, Baller.” “She fucked herself,” he says to Ryan.

Sheila and Natalie hug, and Natalie again starts babbling. It’s now all about the girl’s club again, so Adam has to go. Sheila walks away as quickly as she can. “Natalie is my real target. Yeah, I had to lie to her face, and I didn’t feel good about it. I told her I wouldn’t put her up, but I didn’t say anything about back-dooring her.”

Get ready for lots of drinking, as it’s time for Sheila to get her HOH room. “Seeing a photo of my son (drink!), or a letter from my son and my family, will remind me why I came into this house in the first place.” Of course, it’s touching, as the room is filled with pictures of him. It’s hard to keep track of how many times she mentions him, so just take 6 or 7 drinks and call it even.

Included in the gallery is one of her non-nude Penthouse pics, which leads Natalie to say she “looks like a famous person, or something”. Oh boy. Adam is impressed. “Big She looking dynamite. Smoking hot. Boy, she looked good when she was twenty-something years old. I wish that She was in the house right now instead of this thing.” Ryan, as promised, reads the letter from her son. Oh god, just take 5 more drinks.

Correct me I’m wrong, but I think the next segment dates back before the time period of this episode. Adam’s complaining about his back, and talks Sheila into giving him a massage. Sheila says that “rubbing his back” is the only way she can get his attention. She tells him that it’s going to start getting crazy, and that “everybody is going to be turning on each other”. Sheila may be doing the massaging, but Adam is definitely doing the same to Sheila’s ego. It’s certainly working, as Sheila says she hopes to be “standing next to Adam at the end of this game”.

We jump back to the correct time period (follow the clothing changes for proof), and Sheila is explaining to Adam and Sharon that she has to put somebody up. Sharon, of course, acts like she doesn’t care. Adam, though, is not happy. Sharon points out that “everybody” wants Natalie out, and that to not raise suspicion the best plan is to take Adam down and put her up. “She is thinking she’s safe this week.”

I’m starting to feel quite tired…ok, I’m drunk, but I’m going to try to carry on. Luckily, I can zone out here as the five of them are just babbling about what turns them on. Sheila does make me laugh when she says she wants a “combination of Evel Dick and Dr. Will”. Good luck with that, baby. “The combo would be really hot.” Not really, though, as CBS proves by morphing their pics together.

After this worthless segment, we move on to Ryan visiting Sheila in the HOH. Sheila tells him that she needs a promise from him to pull Adam down if he wins POV, and that “Natalie is a threat to my game”. Ryan agrees on the plan, and she fills Adam in on the details.

Meanwhile, Natalie is telling Ryan that “strategically, it’s better if you or me win it next week. If we get it, we put up Adam and Sheila”. Ryan feels safe, but is beginning to realize that people could turn on him at any time. Nice editing, CBS. Just as Sheila is pointing out that they may be targeted because they’re the last couple, Natalie makes that exact same point to Ryan.

It’s now Natalie’s turn to campaign, and she sarcastically asks if she’s going up as she walks into the HOH. Wow, Sheila just said something I would have expected from Natalie – “confiscated”. Is that even a word? Natalie does lie once again by telling Sheila that next week “you know with me, you’re good.” Sheila isn’t buying it. “I kind of know when somebody’s lying to me…no, you don’t have me. Next week you’re going to be gunning for me.”

And we now finally get to the nominations. After Sheila’s scripted speech about “duties”, Natalie says in her preschool diary room dialect that she has no “concerns about being nominated because I made a deal with Sheila.” Sharon is nervous that the “pawn could actually become the target this week. You never know what’s going to happen, especially now that I’m the last survivor of the evil-doers.” Adam is still bummed, of course.

Sheila continues to make no sense. On the one hand, she says that she “feels like she doesn't know her best option”, yet she has “no choice”. Natalie’s key is pulled first, followed by Ryan’s. As expected, Adam and Sharon are on the block. She tells Adam that she did it because he did it to her last week, yet “it’s not revenge”. Silly girl. She says little to Sharon except “good luck on the POV’. Adam says he does know he’s just a pawn, but just “hopes this plan with Natalie goes through so I can be safe in this house another week.” Sharon promises to do what she always does – just lay low and keep her mouth shut – and hope that Natalie is the one that walks out the door.

Meanwhile, Natalie is “so happy that Sheila kept her promise to me. I have a done a lot of work keeping Team Christ together. We have been through a lot of triumphs and trials, and you know what, we’re still here.” Sheila also pats herself on the back for the way she’s handled Natalie. “Old Sheila took it on the chin. New Sheila is so not going to take it right now. New Sheila is going to show every one what I’m really capable of doing. I’m going to knock her out of this house and not think twice about it.” Yeah, you’re a tough woman. As Lil would say, sheeesh!

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