BB8's Eric on BB9's Contestants

Good to see this tool is still classy.

Friday, February 15, 2008

HATERS


Well, well, well...the new season of Big Brother is upon us and I decided that it's time to break my silence. Since the completion of BB8, I have really picked my spots and chosen my words wisely. After all, when is taking the high road not a good choice? I figured it's a simple equation - so long as I'm decent towards everyone, I can expect that same decency back in return. Evidently, that's not how it works though. I've been nothing but nice to this point and have gotten shit on in return - I'm done biting my tongue. I'm sick and tired of hearing everyone carry on except for me...so now it's my turn! I guess it's the BB way to talk crap on people...I know I dished it out last summer, but I'm the rare trash talker that can take it. I've just taken enough recently that I'm ready to dish out some more - consider me officially stooping to everyone else's level.

Where to begin? Let's start with this wonderful new season, why don't we? Let me start with some initial impressions about the houseguests. Let's begin with Amanda, who seems to think that I gave her a dirty look when I hosted the competition. Ya wanna know why she thinks that? Because I did. It was highly difficult to concentrate on hosting duties when her vile, grotesque, fat thunder thighs were making the entire set jiggle. I sincerely almost walked out of the yard when she came out in that leotard - was that some sort of a sick joke? It was like a perfect storm of Kail's stretchmarks meeting Amber's America's Next Top Model photo shoot. I was temporarily blinded, hence I accidentally shot her a dirty look. Listen bitch, you wanna talk smack then you better be ready to receive it in return.

On to my friend, this season's resident whore Jen. Jen made it perfectly clear to me that she is in Big Brother for the fame...well, congrats Jen! You're already going to be remebered in BB history! You are officially the house's biggest slut and it only took you 6 days! Let's see, I've watched about 30 seconds of the feeds and I've come across you having your bf insert your tampon further into you, begging to jerk him off, and a 1 minute sex in the same fucking bathroom that 14 other people have to use. You know sex is never good when it starts with "is it in honey? I can't tell" and ends with "awww, it's okay." Jen, you're a very classy girl. Plus, on top of that, your gameplay is pathetic and you are not long for this house...so enjoy filming your sex tapes while it lasts. You are so fucking two-faced with your "oh man, this is so cool, i'm in awe - i can't stop staring. it's sooo cool you guys are here" - then two seconds later bragging about talking shit on us in the DR. In the words of Boogie, you're a real CLASS ACT.

On to Natalie. Natalie who thinks that since she is "so much cuter and better looking and more fun than Eric & Jessica" that she's "totally going to be famous if they are." I don't think I need to say much more about this than she had a sick fat roll in her intro video package and she's not fit to stand in the same room as Jess, let alone in the same league as her. Prancing around in her bra and G string throwing herself at guys is certainly respectful. Oh wait, in the 10 minutes since I've been writing this, I take back what I said about Jen! At least it was Jen's boyfriend! Being the extremely conservative girl that she claims to be, Natalie has just jerked off/blown/maybe fucked Matt very proudly on camera. His response thereafter, "DO NOT get attached to me. No cuddling." Aww, romance is alive in the BB house. I also enjoyed Matt's very manly request that Natalie pinky swear that she won't tell anyone. He's a real tough guy. Natalie, your non-stop whining has already disgusted the viewers, so try to shut your fucking mouth (even though I know it's hard for you with your apparent dick-sucking habit).

May as well stay on the topic of Matt and his boys, Alex and especially Parker. Aren't these guys just so fucking hot and cool? Gameplay-wise, these guys are superstars. Alex has nominated his best buddy Parker (who is likely going to get evicted), Parker has angered every single person and tried to turn the house on his own partner (does he understand that if she goes, he goes?), and they came out of the gates so wildly at least two of them will be out before the jury for certain. I laughed out loud when I saw Parker walking around in the crown...great play, asshole. Matt looks like a complete douche bag and he and his wifey Alex make an adorable couple. Meet the new Scott and Jase. They did well, expect a similar result.

How about my good friend Gretchen Massey, the embarassing host of House Calls? I have a major bone to pick with her cowardly actions. This woman talks shit on 95% of the houseguests all year long, only to kiss their asses in person and back down. It took Gretchen all of two days to say how annoying it is to listen to our voices. Meanwhile, this woman was bowing down before me when she interviewed me in person. This comes from a host who doesn't even have the common courtesy to learn the contestants names. Isn't that your job? Even after posting this blog, Gretchen is apt to call me up and ask me out for ice cream...could you be any more fake? Undoubtedly upping the caliber of the show this year will be the appearances by the Donato family! It's very nice that Dick refused to do it unless they gave Daniele a job too. I like that kind of family support, haha. I am particularly excited for Daniele's insight - "HONESTLY...this episode was sooooo FRUSTRATING. I HATE EVERYONE! I HATE THESE PEOPLE! WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH! I'm the biggest bitch in BB history! Woe is me! Can we talk about me and not these people?" That sort of expert analysis is second to none.

To my good friends...the obese, sad-sack, pathetic, no-life assholes that hide behind their computer keyboards and talk shit on us. Get a fucking life. This concept is pretty simple to understand. Let's see...we were on a national TV show. I've owned my own company, worked for World Wrestling Entertainment, represented Academy Award winning actors. In the past two days we've been on two national TV shows, with another to come for me in a couple of days. Jess is a radio star, hosting and producing two shows a day on a top radio station, and that's while she's getting her degree, performing in two professional dance teams, and taking on about a zillion other upcoming projects. We have lives. Great ones at that. You guys (and you know who you are) spend your days trolling our websites. Reading articles ABOUT US. And commenting on what WE are doing. Who do you think is a bigger loser? The people who are having successful careers in the entertainment industry or the people that spend their time, 5 months after we left the house, still stalking our every move and whining about it. I feel bad for you...get a life, a hobby, liposuction, anything. You are sadly depressed and pathetic.

Man, it was my intention to discuss my fellow HGs from our cast as well, but this is already pretty long - so let me simply say fuck you Carol/Kail/Amber for the hell of it - you all still suck badly. And I'd be remiss to forget Janelle...only a few more months til you can rock out those one piece bathing suits again! As for Dick, get a grip buddy. You don't grasp the concept of America's Player. How do you still not get it? I was contractually obligated to do these tasks - I couldn't pick and choose. It did not "help me" to not choose who to target/who to vote for. In fact, the only strikes against me in the house were the banner/long DR sessions/hinky votes - which were all directly as a result of AP. You didn't strategize or implement shit! You would have gone home, plain and simple, in week 6! You fucked up by targetting me and made your own grave. ONLY the America's Player concept and having the support of the top player in the game saved you. It's that simple. Your pitch to me was complete shit and I would have never aligned with you if I wasn't smart enough to realize that's what needed to be done within the scope of the twist. You know how you always talk about your amazing gameplan that would have sent me home for sure after week 6 if you went home...guess what, you're wrong fucktard! First of all, you DID NOT have the votes secured. So even if the plan was implemented, Dustin would have gone home...not me. Secondly, if Jen had won HoH, she was going after Daniele...not me! Just thought I'd clarify that, so you can finally stop talking about it. Plain and simple, you survived because I wasn't allowed to target you...8 consecutive people I had to get nominated got nominated...it's not a coincidence. And Dick, if you can't stand the heat...get out of the kitchen. You wanna blog about how fake and two-faced the other HGs are...well tell me, why is it that the same week you talked trash on me in multiple interviews, you also gave me a phone call asking me to help you with your upcoming projects, asking us to work together, and saying how you've always liked me so much? Talk about two-faced. But you know what...as you point out so frequently yourself, it's nothing personal...just stating my opinion as you do. You've talked trash on me dozens of times and in your eyes it hasn't affected our friendship, so I don't see why me saying this should affect anything for us. Consider us still on good terms!

In conclusion, I have a suggestion for you. If you don't like what I had to say in this blog...stop coming to my page. Stop reading up on me. Stop hating and get a life for yourselves.

Oh, by the way...good luck to James/Chelsia, Adam/Sheila, and Joshuah/Sharon - we'll be rooting for you bigtime!!!

LINK TO ORIGINAL POST