Tuesday, February 5, 2008

BB9+Barb=Better than Sex

Hi! I'm Barb, and from here on out you can hate what I have to say, but I guarantee you'll love hating it. It's win-win for me really. It's not win-win for those in the BB9 house, though. Someone has to win, and there better be a lot of backstabbing when it happens, or i'll be piiiiissed.

I like to think I have a good perceptive eye when it comes to first meeting people. Usually it works pretty well just looking at them too, say in a photograph or an exclusive video from ilovereality.com of the HG's, so I'll take a stab now.

Let's go through the candidates:

Jen is a Danny Donato look-alike, trying to keep it fresh and hip. She looks like she wouldn't like to start any shit, and quite frankly, what the hell are we watching for if there isn't any shit. She might find solice in her fellow Columbus, Ohioan, Ryan. I can't figure out if he's a frat boy, or just likes Coldplay, I get those two confused sometimes. Eh, both won't stay long in my opinion.

Parker is a black paparazzo who must have decided being in front of the camera was going to be a nice change. I'm sure he'll use this all as an excuse when snapping pictures of various celebrities since he'll get to know what it's like maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, but I'm very excited to hear his celeb stories on BB After Dark. He also has huge,wacky hair. Where's that god-loving, hair-braiding woman when you need her.

Amanda is a paralegal from Minnesota, I call her...prettier Amber. She isn't going to get any play, but her accent should piss someone off eventually.

Sheila, a retired model in her 40s wants me to think she wouldn't hurt a fly. I know better. She's from California she might have a tough skin. They never do though. The crash and burn of all things once full of life rears it's ugly head in time. Hopefully she isn't just happy to be there, taking in the tv experience while she can. I hate that crap. Using that bitter, cut-throat, modeling-industry mindset might pan out if she uses it.

Alex, a dj company owner from Staten Island, is my pick for one of the gay men in the house. He is cute though, it'd be a shame. He looks like a mix of Bomb...I mean Tom Brady and Nick Lachey.

Allison is from Boston, and my TOTAL PICK for the latch-onto-a-man plan. Hope it works for her. Try Parker, paparazzi dig the needy girls now. Hey, I'm just calling them like I see 'em.

Adam, a Flordian who looks like he's an obnoxious European but isn't, is another pick for one of the gay guys. You can have this one boys. Eesh.

Chelsia, I think I'm already in love with you. Your face piercing and devious smile say it all. You are a fucking partyer. Bisexual anyone? If this woman doesn't break something in the house, I'll come there myself and get her the 8-ball I know she's itchin' for right now. Go girl! She'll most likely choose a man to take all her anger out on from the party withdrawal..I'm thinking Jacob, an electrician from Georgia. That cute little southern boy accent is adorable. But it screams walk all over me to a girl like meI mean her.

FAKE BOOB ALERT FAKE BOOB ALERT FAKE BOOB ALERT FAKE BOOB ALERT FAKE BOOB ALERT FAKE BOOB ALERT NATALIE, 28, BARISTA WITH FAKE BOOBS ALERT FAKE BOOB ALERT FAKE BOOB ALERT FAKE BOOB ALERT FAKE BOOB ALERT

Interestingly, there's a biker (no, a real bike, not one with a motor) named James probably loving life. He looks like he might have shit together, even though it's a bit on the weird side. I want to see what he's about. It could all change on a dime of course...if you watch you'd know that. *flashbacks of dustin's face*

Sharon's a realtor who thinks she'll be taking the Donato lookalike award til she meets Jen. Aw. Sorry. Back to square one FOR YOU!

Joshuah, a goofball from Dallas, should provide entertainment. We all know what happens when people like to take the spotlight too much. It shouldn't worry Matt, from Mass. with his snazzy shirts and ironed sweater vests. He thinks he's already won. Too bad, man. At least he didn't get this job by finding Julie Chen a vacation home, cause how the hell else did Neil get in there. What a bore. He is my pick for first breakdown from being away from family.

Basically if there aren't tears and anguish, I'm not watchin'!

Yes I am, who am I kidding, I'm addicted. And now that I've posted, you have two addictions to worry about...don't get help 'til after the show is over. Thanks.

Babs

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4 comments:

Indymike said...

Nice Barb!

You had me laughing!

DJNewStyle said...

I'm so not into BB, but I'll be reading this. Nice!

Scott said...

Fucking brilliant, Barb.

Alex Webs said...

Yo, I'm like totally Yo. My sources tell me Putin is a closet BB fan and reads this blog. Will you be my Valentine?