Big Brother - Season 9, Episode 18 Recap

Here we go with a week of sad recaps. If you don’t know why I’m sad, just watch the last five minutes of tonight’s episode. It’s shocking and depressing.

As you may expect, we start with the reactions to the various things that happened Thursday, starting with James’ decision to cast the deciding vote to evict James. Natalie is, of course, devastated because she feels it’s her fault. Surprisingly, Adam’s even more angry…and, of course, Sheila’s now pissed and “they’re” going to fight even harder to “seek vengeance”. Funny thing is that just a few days ago she liked the plan to evict him.

A quick note here – reportedly CBS also didn’t want “Matty” to go. James has said on more than once occasion that the producers had hinted to him they wanted James to keep him. No wonder they don’t allow houseguests to talk about their diary room sessions.

James, though, is not apologetic about his move. “I successfully got Matt out of here just like they successfully got me out of here last week. I owed no one nothing in this house..”

Oh boy, back to Natalie. “Matty was my soulmate. I just got to enjoy it while it lasted, and remember all the good times we had, and all the bad times.” Footage is then shown of her trying to get the “last kiss”, since he supposedly got the first kiss. He leans in and lets her kiss his cheek, but of course she wants more. “Matty, don’t push me away. Give me one more hug, Matty. Matty, Matty.” Hehehehehe.

They all babble more about alliances, but it’s really just stating the obvious, so in Lil’s honor I’ll move on to the HOH competition. “I’m pumped. I’m pumped”, claims Adam, although that’s not really the reaction he had at the time he won. Sheila is so happy that she “may even give him a kiss”. I think if he knew that piece of info, he probably would have thrown that last question.

Natalie is also suddenly recovered from her depression over Matt. “Now what do you want, evil side of the house?” My girl Chelsia is bummed. “I think this is going to be a tough week on my side of the house.” Yes, it is, my dear, and also for your biggest fan.

Poor Adam. He’s packing to move up to HOH, and Natalie comes in to gloat. “You gotta win next week”, he tells her. “For sure,”she replies. Good luck with that one. No sooner does she leave does Sheila come in and swarms in to kiss him on the cheek. “Be my hero,” she whispers in his ear.

Then ANOTHER female comes in. Oh wait, that’s Josh. Suddenly, Adam resorts back to claim he “didn’t want to win, dude”. In the diary room, Adam carries on this attitude, which completely nullifies what we saw him say in there five minutes ago. He is already sick of the phoniness, though.

Cue the acoustic guitar music, as it’s time (as I predicted when it happened) for Natalie to feel sad while staring at Matt’s picture. Oh god, they couldn’t have possibly staged this any better for the cameras. Josh predicts that Natalie will be a weaker player (how can she be any weaker) because she’s like a “lost puppy. I’m glad to see them separated.”

But she’s not a weak girl, or at least she says so in the diary room during her Dr. Phil moment. “I’m a survivor. I’ve survived many things in my life, and nothing’s going to get me down.” Blah blah blah. Matt pushing her away now means that he was bummed about being separated from her. Keep believing that, you silly goose. Josh and Chelsia roll their eyes as she babbles her story.

Natalie is mad at James for breaking their promise, and lets Chelsia know this fact. “People can fuck James over,” my girl replies. “I don’t care. I’m playing for myself.” Now we move into what those of us with the live feeds have had to endure for the past four days – Natalie going on and on and on about two of “them” going up. “They haven’t seen the new Nattie yet,” she tells Ryan. “Naughty Nattie. I was nice Nattie before.” Really? I haven’t seen any real change in her. She babbled and babbled before, and that’s what you’re seeing now.

After commercials, it’s time for pure cheese. Ashley, it’s your favorite subject! Yes, it’s Sharon’s fascination with the stupid guinea pigs. I guess we have to get her in this show somehow. “Beebies! Beebies!” Make it stop! Josh again rolls his eyes. For once, I can’t say I blame him. “They cannot understand you! All they want is some food!” We get the point; we need to move on. Of course, they don’t, and we even see the stupid creatures give a diary room chat.

Cheese moment, part two – Adam gets to see his HOH room. You know the drill – they point and laugh at his pics and food and stuff. Ok, it is funny when Chelsia notices that he has baby food in his care package. Adam sort of complains about how this must be his mother’s work, but does admit he likes to eat the stuff. “How much baby food can a man handle?” Ewwwww. Of course, Natalie hopes that Adam shares. “I like baby food. It’s really yummy, and it’s good for you.” Funny thing is that’s the most intelligent thing she’s said the entire season.

Back to the game, Josh wanders into the bathroom while Sheila’s at the beginning of her two-hour futile effort to make herself presentable. “Who’s going up?” she asks him. “You and me,” he responds. This starts one of her typical outbursts. “I don’t think so. I might have been very mean to him, but I don’t deserve to go back on the block.” Again, Josh rolls his eyes. Josh admits he has no idea what anybody is thinking, but “I love to watch Sheila freak out.” Who doesn’t? Of course, she goes on some more about it, even as he’s walking away.

Adam is now coming down the stairs with his laundry, and Josh uses this moment to half-heartedly beg to have a pass this week. Seriously, he’s not very convincing. Oh boy, the fun I could have with lines like “don’t backdoor me” and “I’ll be your bitch this week”. After telling Adam about his encounter with Sheila, they decide to mess with her a bit. The results are predictable. “Unbelievable. This is a shocker. I know I’ve been mean to you, but I’ve apologized.” Josh says he thought it initially was a joke, but Adam is pretty convincing.

It’s now time for their very first luxury competition, or as I like to call it – product placement. The winners of the competition get to see a sneak preview of the movie “21”. Wow, we get the studio name, the stars, the plot, and the trailer. How much did Columbia pay for this “commercial”? Of course, Sheila is the “biggest movie buff ever”. Yeah, we know.

The contest is a Vegas-style casino night. I’ll bet Allison wishes she was there for this. Well, this is exciting, and not really worth the recap except that Natalie was happy that James showed he “doesn’t know how to add. It may take me a little longer, but I know how to add to 21.” Five minutes later, Ryan finally wins and chooses Adam, Natalie, and James. Sheila, of course, is very upset. “That was such a big deal for me.”

Oh wait, we’re not done yet. There’s more product placement – a chance to win a $21,000 trip to Planet Hollywood in Vegas. To play for the prize, Ryan must risk his movie passes, and if he loses the four he didn’t pick get to see the movie. Of course, after the commercial he goes for it. After the commercial? My God, this is an expensive ad for this silly movie. Ryan loses, so Sheila gets to see the movie after all. “It just looks like an amazing movie.”

More cheese – Natalie is praying again. “My Bible gives me guidance in this game.” While reading Matthew 5, the fact that there are eight pink curtains tells her something. She runs out to tell Sheila about her discovery, and they start thinking about everything in the house that comes in eights. Ducks, vases, “things in the bathroom”, and…oh boy…eight pillows! Oh wait, maybe not. They’re at seven groups of eight, so she’s going to go back and study some more. Somehow the deer head communicates some unknown piece of wisdom to her.

Even more cheese – that segment we get every year where everybody is amazed when the table shrinks. Natalie is still studying, because there’s now eight plates and eight glasses and eight…oh, and Evel Dick has eight letters in it, so maybe he’s coming back. Yeah, first we had product placement during the show, and now we have promos for Tuesday’s show. “There’s gotta be some relevance to this whole groups of eight thing.”

Finally, back to the game – Adam still claims he doesn’t know what to do, but Natalie certainly does. James and my girl Chelsia! What the editors aren’t showing us is that she babbled this from the very moment Adam won HOH. Adam throws out Sheila’s name, which greatly upsets Sheila because it doesn’t fit her numbers game. “Think of the numbers. Think of the numbers.” There really is some great editing going on here.

And we finally get to the moment I’ve been dreading since my eyes first glimpsed my girl Chelsia. The producers still want us to think Sheila may be going up, and Adam plays up to it by saying it’s a really hard decision. But of course it ends up what was obvious to anybody from the very beginning – James and CHELSIA!!! Nooooooooooooooo!