Big Brother - Season 9, Episode 9 Recap

Here we go with another network version of Big Brother? Will this be an all-Allison episode, or will that wait until Tuesday? Or will CBS finally do the right thing to please me and show nothing but Chelsia for an entire hour? We’ll soon see.

Ok, it does look like it will be all about Allison, as the recaps are all about the fake lesbian alliance. Josh isn’t happy. Now we move on to her failed attempt to foil Operation Condor. Good move, idiot. Oh boy, they just announced the lesbian lie will come back to haunt her!

We begin with the reaction to the eviction of Alex and Amanda. Matt makes it all about him, of course. “Come on guys, I need a group hug.” Funny thing is that Allison could have had the eviction she wanted if she hadn’t acted so silly, as Josh and Sharon wanted to boot Matt and Natalie. Josh is already promising to go after that “bitch”, as he was offended as a “gay man” about her lie. Sharon and Joshuah both put on their sunglasses as a sign they mean business. Oh boy.

“HOH is better than sex right now”???? Joshuah, you have been in that house too long. James feels confident, but Joshuah knows Allison feels as “if her heart had been yanked out”. So begins a week of Allison moping around the house.

Yep, here we go with the “I buzzed in right when Sharon did.” Joshuah hears this, and promises to make her life hell. “You’re an ugly skank for one thing. And that dress is so tired.” Leave it to a gay guy to attack her clothing choices.

This was the whole “getting in my face” thing that Allison bitched about for three days? Oh, please. He never got anywhere near her, but that doesn’t keep her from telling her sob story to everybody else. She also lets Matt know that “you wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me”. Oh really?

While complaining, Joshuah walks by again. “Watch out, I’ll get in your face again.” “I’m not putting up with that at all”, Allison bitches in the diary room. “I’m not messing around AT ALL”.

Plumber’s Crack Ryan comes to Allison’s rescue as she’s bawling in the bathroom. “I’m the only one here she sees as being sane.” Well, there’s some truth to that. “Everybody in here is intimidated by me”, explains Allison. Keep dreaming, you silly girl.

We come back from commercial to Allison still whining. This time, Matt should feel ashamed for not sticking up for her. “If I were a man, I’d never let a man do that to a woman.” Sheesh!

Boring segment time - the unveiling of the HOH room. At least Allison’s smart enough to stay away. Yes, they get family pics, and Sharon says the room is “fabbbbbbbbbbbbbbb-uuuuuuuuuu-lous”. I like her, but I get tired of her over-emphasizing certain words. She’s not happy about the pic that includes her ex-boyfriend. What was his name again?

Matt gets a laugh out of the tiara. That’s one of the few times I’ve shared an opinion with Matt. Now that he has a room, it’s time for him to gossip. Somehow Sheila gets off scot-free on the fake lesbian thing. “I was just joking around. She took it to another level.” Very interesting. Ryan wasn’t aware of this story, and after Joshuah whines Chelsia fills him in on the entire story. “What was the strategy behind that”, asks Ryan. “She’s so fucking stupid.” You have to feel sorry for the guy.

Ryan confronts Allison, and tells her how “people see how manipulative you are”. “I don’t care. It was Sheila’s idea”. When he pushes it, she tells him he’s being a jerk. “You got us in this position. Nobody likes you in the house,” he replies.

Are we really going to see the Matt and Natalie stuff? Ohmigod, we are. “I’m a good girl,” she claims just seconds before her head goes under the sheets. I need to find a good girl like her. Well, it’s not quite like it really happened. The way it’s shown, they kiss and he pulls away. “You don’t get emotionally attached to me?” she whines. “I’ve never had a guy treat me like this before,” she claims. Ummm, I don’t believe that.

It’s food competition time, and nobody wants to be on slop again. Green asparagus unitards? Well, nothing can make my girl Chelsia look bad. Ok, this is boring – the girls have to grab food close to the girls’ weights. Natalie uses the word “guestimate”. Something tells me she truly believes it’s a word. James and Chelsia win, as does Adam and Sheila, who complains that the hat she’s wearing weighs 15 pounds because you know she can’t weigh 131. “We finally won something, Adam.” Remember this moment, Mama.

Matt and Natalie fail in their task, though. No carbs for these kids. Ryan and Allison, however, are almost right on the mark. Oh wait, the needle is falling. Ah, it’s CBS trying to create some typical reality show drama, as they won meats and cheese for the week.

It’s time for another segment that is so boring I changed feeds when it was originally shown on the feeds. Natalie likes drawing “pretty things”, and since “Joshuah is the prettiest thing in the house” she used mascara to paint a 2nd grade level portrait. “You managed to capture my spirit,” he feebly says to compliment her.

Round 300 of the Joshuah/Allison fight. “Allison has to have the last word”, complains Sheila in one of the rare moments he’s right. “You look so stupid” is the best Allison can come up with. Joshuah is better at playing a catty bitch – “make sure you put a lot of makeup on that third eye…you look like Cyclops. You just look more uglier as you put more makeup on.”

Hey Ashley, how many of the Allison clichés is she using in this bitchfest? I still haven’t heard “I adore you” but I’m hearing the majority of the others you listed earlier this week. “Joshuah, you’re not sending me home.” Uh, yes he is.

Sharon suggests they bring up the rest of the house to talk about Allison. “It was laughable”, complains Allison about not being included. Sheila continues to kiss ass – “it’s a good thing you’re the HOH”. Meanwhile, Allison and Ryan continue to bicker about the lesbian story. “I need you to be my partner so we’re always on the same page.” Where was your partner when you concocted this silly lesbian story? “Josh is easy. I could flip him back if I wanted.” Um, Allison, you can’t.

That doesn’t stop her from trying. She heads up to the HOH to apologize, but it immediately turns into accusations. Add “I totally respect that” to the list of Allison clichés, and she “honestly” throws Sheila under the bus because she wanted to drop the lie. “You know how much I love you.” Where’s the “I adore you” line?

Finally, we get to the nominations. It’s the same scenario as usual – Joshuah and Sharon stare at the picture wall, various people claim they hope they’re not nominated, then we get the nominations. I laugh out loud when Matt claims they’re going to be put up because “people thing we’re the strongest couple in the house physically, but mentally with Natalie there is a weakness there”. Come on, Matt. Natalie is indeed an idiot, but your IQ isn’t any higher. I guarantee that when there’s a future competition involving knowledge of the house, she’ll upstage you.

As expected, the nominations are Allison/Ryan and Natalie/Matt. “You’re the strongest couples…blah blah blah…it’s the worst part of being HOH…blah blah blah…this is a game.” Allison promises “sweet revenge”, Matt’s pissed for being put up again, and Josh can’t wait to send Allison home. Tune in Tuesday for another hour of Allison’s madness!

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